Tag Archives: Self-improvement

Stop the chaos!

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Ok, that was a dramatic title. Tuesday’s mission is to identify signs of disorder that make me feel out of control and overwhelmed. This is something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while. What are the things that indicate things are out of control? And what can I do to minimize the stress they cause?

  • Not getting dressed on days I don’t leave the house
    • Don’t get me wrong, I love a good pj day. But I notice a significant difference in how I feel about myself on days where I don’t shower, get dressed, put some effort into my appearance. On those days, when I finally do get around to even putting on a pair of jeans and a little make-up, I feel so much better. I also notice my motivation to do anything is limited on days where I don’t “put myself together”. I’m more likely to spend my day being lazy and unproductive. So…on work from home days and weekends, I’ll make an effort to limit the wal-mart look.
  • Eating the whole damn thing
    • Snacky things are my downfall. If there is a bag of popcorn or Doritos in my house, its unlikely to last more than 2 days. And the only thing at the bottom of the bag is guilt. I don’t feel bad about snacking on those things once in a while. But when I sit down and eat half a bag of popcorn, I feel out of control. Solution, don’t eat out of the container. Pour myself a single serving. I’ll be satisfied and not end up eating the whole thing. If I want more, it will take a conscious decision instead of just continuing to reach into the bag until its gone.
  • Cluttered Cube
    • I feel crazy when I can’t find something in my office. I can usually remember in while pile of crap something is. But let’s be honest, when I’m forced to search through piles to find that page of notes, there’s a problem. About twice a year I lose it and clean out my cube. And now that my boss left, I win the cluttered cube award. But I’m hardly ever in my cube. I spend my life in meetings. So how do I combat the drop and go clutter causing process? I’m certain that filing is the key. If something has a place designed for it, I can put it there. And most importantly find it later. So, looks like I have a fun Friday night ahead of me sorting and filing 🙂

I’m sure I have more signs of disorder or things that make me feel out of control. But let’s just start with these three, ok? I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. Look out for a shiny clean cube soon 🙂

Today’s mission – Imitate a Spiritual Master. I was a little hesitant when I read the title of today’s email. I’ve not spent much time in my adult life contemplating spirituality. It hasn’t been a priority. But, reading on, it made more sense for me. Gretchen describes this task as identifying “a person who stands as a role model for you, someone who exemplifies the transcendent attributes and behavior that you value most. ”

Her advice is that once you identify such a person, try to learn more about their life, their experiences, and figure out how to integrate those qualities and lessons learned into my own life.

To be honest, I had no idea where to start. I wrote earlier that I get inspiration from those close to me in my life. My parents, friends, co-workers. But I couldn’t think of a role model who would fit the bill for this exercise. My dad comes to mind first. But I don’t think that’s quite what this exercise had in mind.

So I googled “role models”. Maybe I could find someone who I could seek to learn more about who could serve as a role model for me. I have to admit, when Beyonce came up as the second person on the list, I almost gave up. Continued searching sparked a memory from my social work training about Jane Addams. I’m pretty sure all social work students learn about Jane Addams and the Hull House. Her work serving the poor and immigrant families and adovcating for social democracy is filled with lessons for future social workers. So, while I’m not yet ready to call her my Spiritual Master, I do feel compelled to learn about her and see what lessons she might have for me. To the Nook store! Two books on Jane Addams will be delivered to my Nook shortly.

I’d love to hear who some of your “Spiritual Masters” are. I’m always looking for inspiration.

Asking the hard questions

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The last three days have sent me on missions to ask some hard hard questions.

Beware the trap of false choices:

These are choices that seem limited but really don’t need to be. Such as “I can either be successful at work or spend time with my family”.  The take away here is to be true to myself (based on my personal commandments) and to make balanced choices. Which just happens to one of my commandments! Absolutes are not necessary, most of the time. There may be truth in both or all choices you see. Just as I and another person can see a situation differently and both be right, I can have this same internal struggle with myself. I resolve to learn from multiple perspectives and make the choice that is right for me.

Are you a “Radiator” or a “Drain”?

We all know the answer we WANT to be true. I wasn’t sure how to begin answering this question. Gretchen suggestions some things to consider:

  • Do people seem to rise or fall in energy in your presence? 
    • I think I am fairly low energy and don’t inspire high-energy. But do I bring down the room? I think I have often in the past. However, this is something I have worked hard on and believe I have made an improvement in this area. There was a time where I actually worried I had become and obnoxiously positive person. But I think I must remain vigilant about how my attitude and energy affects others.
  • Do they speak in an animated way, or in a dull tone?
    •  This feels like a very subjective question. I think I can inspire both animated conversation and subdued discussion. And the company I am in can vary greatly in how they speak. Not sure what to make of this one. But I will certainly make efforts to observe it.
  • Are they eager to make plans and seem to trust those plans can be carried out?
    • A year ago, I would be sure that most of my friends/family wouldn’t trust that I would keep plans. My health, pain, depression and attitude meant I would often not be up for social occasions. No matter how small. My bed was my only reliable companion. Now? I’m not sure. I suspect many are still recovering from my lack of reliability and aren’t sure if they trust that I’m someone they want to make plans with. A few never wavered, at least outwardly. They put up with a lot from me. Disappointment. Frustration. Helplessness. I’m doing my best to repair that trust and rebuild relationships that are important to me.
  • Do groups tend to break apart when you join them?
    • I tend to be a wanderer. In a group, I float between parties. People don’t tend to come to me. Which I sometimes am concerned about. And sometimes I have a hard time breaking into a conversation or shared experience with established groups. But just as often, people welcome me into their group and seem happy to include me. Again, I think this is an area where I should be more observant.

Oof. That was a tough one to get through.

The most recent mission was to “Identify Your Patron Saints”

By this, I expect Gretchen means, those who inspire you and of whom you wish to emulate. She suggests, “Identifying your patron saint is a creative, engaging way to think about the great figures that most embody your values.” I loved her example of Julia Child. She describes Julia as being “goofy yet masterly; light-hearted yet authoritative. Enthusiastic!”. I, in fact, used to pretend to be Julia Child as a kid. And often “channel” her in the kitchen. Most notably when I drop something on the floor 🙂 She never had to be perfect. She aimed for the heart of what she did to be satisfying. Good food. Good company. Even if it didn’t look perfect.

In many ways, my parents are my patron saints. My dad has set a solid example for how I wish to live my life in some areas. Not all, for sure. But he has showed me to:

  • Be reasonable when making decisions
  • Be responsible
  • You do for those in need without expectation of return
  • Family is important
  • Inform yourself
  • I am no better than anyone else
  • Doing your best is what is expected

And my mom is the ever caring, always giving, kind-hearted, pure-intentioned person I strive to be. But in moderation. She gives too much of herself. A lesson I’ve learned over the years.

And I admire my sister in her ability to constantly seek the best for herself. Not settling for what’s easy. Being willing to take a risk.

But I’ve never been a person who looked up to celebrities or political figures as a guide for how to live my life. I often take note of traits my friends and family or co-workers have that I wish I had. And consider them when making choices in my own life. Asking, “What would Jess do”, or “How would Will handle this”, in areas where I admire them.

I’ve made a lot of “I plan to, or I will, or I resolve to statements over the past week in this blog. I think my weekly mission will be to review them and combine them in a list of goals, priorities, or principles.

The past few days of reflection have been challenging. But I’m looking forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring!

Questions to help know thyself better

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I have to say, I’m loving the 21 day project missions so far. Each morning I get an email that starts me thinking about my missions. It’s a great way to start the day!

Thursday’s mission was to ask myself the Five Fateful Questions.

  1. What am I waiting for? 
    • The answer to this question is almost always an excuse I think. Sometimes, there are good reasons to wait for something. But often, they are just excuses that get in the way of acting. I will try to differentiate excuses from legitimate reasons for not doing something.
  2. What would I do if I weren’t scared?
    • I’m scared of lots of things. Imagining what I’d do if I weren’t scared is a really good exercise. But not being scared is a whole other can of worms. How do you change your view to no longer be scared of something? A few things that come to mind would be, go sky diving, make better decisions (or decisions at all), and feel more confident. Maybe, I need to make a list of things I’m afraid of.
  3. What steps would make things easier? 
    • This is great. I like being able to break things down and figure out how to tackle a problem in steps. Taking time to think about how I could make things easier to achieve instead of letting it overwhelm me. Sometimes it feels hard to sit and think about how to do this. But I really think it would be good for me to do.
  4. What would I do if I had all the time and money in the world?
    • A question I’m sure we’ve all been asked or asked ourselves. I have always said that if I were rich I’d pay someone to drive me, pack for me when I travel, and cook me tasty nutritious meals. People often find the packing request odd. It totally stresses me out. In fact, getting dressed every day stresses me out. I’m sure this is because I often feel like I don’t look good in my clothes. Sometimes I do. At those times, i’m excited to get dressed. But packing for a trip combines multiple days of deciding what to wear into one compact event. The result is super stressful. Decisions that came from thinking about this question…Try to pick out my clothes the night before. Then I don’t have to hurry in the morning to find something I feel comfortable wearing. Also, do something to help me feel more comfortable in my clothes (aka, get in better shape).
    • I think I’d also take the time and money necessary to attend to and resolve my medical issues. Finding the time and money to do this while working is very challenging and stressful.
  5. What is the worst, and the best, that could happen?
    • I can nail the worst scenarios. Its a little harder to see the best. But I guess the best is what I hope for. And I try to make the best happen. At least at work. I’m not as good at doing it in my personal life. Lesson…define the best case scenario and use step 3 to figure out how to work toward that outcome.

Good questions to apply when trying to make decisions to move forward.

Friday’s mission was to ask a series of questions to help me know myself better.

  • If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more?
    • Usually, less. I’m typically a rule follower. I don’t need to “push the red button”.
  • Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? Especially in control?
    • I feel out of control with my health. I feel like I just can’t catch a break. I try a hundred things. Something might work for a bit, then the problem is back, or something new has popped up. I try really hard to keep a positive attitude about this. I celebrate when things are going well. But there are days when its totally overwhelming and discouraging.
    • In control? I feel in control of making my life better. I can improve it. I can’t necessarily make it everything I want. I can’t fix everything. But there is much I CAN do.
  • If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time?
    • Hmmm, say 4 hours free? I would probably try to see a friend and/or read. I would really like to take 4 hours of “me time” each week. That sounds totally doable, in theory. I think this is a goal to work toward.
  • Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment?
    • I’m comfortable in a disorderly environment…to certain extent. I reach my breaking point where the clutter gets to me. And at work, I am much more concerned with order. For example, I hate showing up to a meeting with no agenda or decided outcomes. But my house is messy. My desk is a disaster. And every so often, I break and clear the clutter.
  • Are you motivated by competition?
    • Nope. Can’t stand it.
  • Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself?
    • Absolutely. I can motivate myself to almost anything for anyone else. This is sometimes a detriment. I work to find a balance here. But have more work to do. My 3rd commandment from the first mission this week is to do what I CAN and only what I can.
  • How much TV do you watch in a week?
    • Well, the tv is almost always on in the evenings at home. But I often am not watching it. I am usually doing something else. Working. Crocheting. Blogging. I often watch something while I eat dinner. Then move on to doing something else. I’d say I watch about 10 hours of tv a week. I’m pretty picky about what I choose to watch. I recently made this change (about a year ago) because I didn’t like how much time I spent watching crap. It felt like a waste of time that I’d rather be spending in a different way.
  • Are you a morning person or a night person?
    • Night person. Definitely. If I had my choice, I’d work 10-6:30. I’m barely functional until 10. Sometimes I wish I could be a morning person. Get so much more out of my day. But 33 years, and no luck.
  • What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?
    • Saving time. But I’m rarely willing to take a shortcut. Having time to do what I want is much more valuable. However, I have to say, I’m blessed to be in a fine financial situation. And I’m not much of a spender. I might feel differently if was concerned about my financial state.
  • Do you like to be in the spotlight?
    • Not at all. The thing I was most worried about on my wedding day was being the center of attention all day. But I don’t mind talking in front of groups or leading training. But I don’t see myself as being in the spotlight in those situations. The topic at hand is what the focus is.
  • Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight, move to a new city?
    • Being more active feels like it is on hold in many ways until my pain issues are dealt with. I work out several days a week. But I don’t go for walks, or ride my bike, or hike. I don’t look forward to camping like I used to. A week in the Boundary Waters seems out of reach.
  • What would you do if you had more energy?
    • Walk. Spend more time with friends and family. Engage in creative activities.
  • If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it?
    • Make a space to enjoy creative activities. Play my violin. Do crafting. Work out. Meditate.
  • If at the end of the year, you’d accomplished one thing, what’s the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?
    • Great question. And a really difficult one to answer. Quite obviously, whatever the answer is, that’s probably what I should focus on. I don’t feel I really know what would make me the happiest. That’s one of the reasons I’m doing this project. I want to feel settled. I feel my life is a bit in chaos. And not where I want it. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and find a way to make that me thrive. Solving my pain issues would have a huge impact on my happiness. I think what I’ll take away from this question is to contemplate my priorities.

I feel I am just getting started. Looking forward to the next couple weeks of missions. And figuring out how to put all this together.

-Teresa