Author Archives: shinygoldheart

Stop the chaos!

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Ok, that was a dramatic title. Tuesday’s mission is to identify signs of disorder that make me feel out of control and overwhelmed. This is something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while. What are the things that indicate things are out of control? And what can I do to minimize the stress they cause?

  • Not getting dressed on days I don’t leave the house
    • Don’t get me wrong, I love a good pj day. But I notice a significant difference in how I feel about myself on days where I don’t shower, get dressed, put some effort into my appearance. On those days, when I finally do get around to even putting on a pair of jeans and a little make-up, I feel so much better. I also notice my motivation to do anything is limited on days where I don’t “put myself together”. I’m more likely to spend my day being lazy and unproductive. So…on work from home days and weekends, I’ll make an effort to limit the wal-mart look.
  • Eating the whole damn thing
    • Snacky things are my downfall. If there is a bag of popcorn or Doritos in my house, its unlikely to last more than 2 days. And the only thing at the bottom of the bag is guilt. I don’t feel bad about snacking on those things once in a while. But when I sit down and eat half a bag of popcorn, I feel out of control. Solution, don’t eat out of the container. Pour myself a single serving. I’ll be satisfied and not end up eating the whole thing. If I want more, it will take a conscious decision instead of just continuing to reach into the bag until its gone.
  • Cluttered Cube
    • I feel crazy when I can’t find something in my office. I can usually remember in while pile of crap something is. But let’s be honest, when I’m forced to search through piles to find that page of notes, there’s a problem. About twice a year I lose it and clean out my cube. And now that my boss left, I win the cluttered cube award. But I’m hardly ever in my cube. I spend my life in meetings. So how do I combat the drop and go clutter causing process? I’m certain that filing is the key. If something has a place designed for it, I can put it there. And most importantly find it later. So, looks like I have a fun Friday night ahead of me sorting and filing 🙂

I’m sure I have more signs of disorder or things that make me feel out of control. But let’s just start with these three, ok? I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. Look out for a shiny clean cube soon 🙂

Today’s mission – Imitate a Spiritual Master. I was a little hesitant when I read the title of today’s email. I’ve not spent much time in my adult life contemplating spirituality. It hasn’t been a priority. But, reading on, it made more sense for me. Gretchen describes this task as identifying “a person who stands as a role model for you, someone who exemplifies the transcendent attributes and behavior that you value most. ”

Her advice is that once you identify such a person, try to learn more about their life, their experiences, and figure out how to integrate those qualities and lessons learned into my own life.

To be honest, I had no idea where to start. I wrote earlier that I get inspiration from those close to me in my life. My parents, friends, co-workers. But I couldn’t think of a role model who would fit the bill for this exercise. My dad comes to mind first. But I don’t think that’s quite what this exercise had in mind.

So I googled “role models”. Maybe I could find someone who I could seek to learn more about who could serve as a role model for me. I have to admit, when Beyonce came up as the second person on the list, I almost gave up. Continued searching sparked a memory from my social work training about Jane Addams. I’m pretty sure all social work students learn about Jane Addams and the Hull House. Her work serving the poor and immigrant families and adovcating for social democracy is filled with lessons for future social workers. So, while I’m not yet ready to call her my Spiritual Master, I do feel compelled to learn about her and see what lessons she might have for me. To the Nook store! Two books on Jane Addams will be delivered to my Nook shortly.

I’d love to hear who some of your “Spiritual Masters” are. I’m always looking for inspiration.

Asking the hard questions

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The last three days have sent me on missions to ask some hard hard questions.

Beware the trap of false choices:

These are choices that seem limited but really don’t need to be. Such as “I can either be successful at work or spend time with my family”.  The take away here is to be true to myself (based on my personal commandments) and to make balanced choices. Which just happens to one of my commandments! Absolutes are not necessary, most of the time. There may be truth in both or all choices you see. Just as I and another person can see a situation differently and both be right, I can have this same internal struggle with myself. I resolve to learn from multiple perspectives and make the choice that is right for me.

Are you a “Radiator” or a “Drain”?

We all know the answer we WANT to be true. I wasn’t sure how to begin answering this question. Gretchen suggestions some things to consider:

  • Do people seem to rise or fall in energy in your presence? 
    • I think I am fairly low energy and don’t inspire high-energy. But do I bring down the room? I think I have often in the past. However, this is something I have worked hard on and believe I have made an improvement in this area. There was a time where I actually worried I had become and obnoxiously positive person. But I think I must remain vigilant about how my attitude and energy affects others.
  • Do they speak in an animated way, or in a dull tone?
    •  This feels like a very subjective question. I think I can inspire both animated conversation and subdued discussion. And the company I am in can vary greatly in how they speak. Not sure what to make of this one. But I will certainly make efforts to observe it.
  • Are they eager to make plans and seem to trust those plans can be carried out?
    • A year ago, I would be sure that most of my friends/family wouldn’t trust that I would keep plans. My health, pain, depression and attitude meant I would often not be up for social occasions. No matter how small. My bed was my only reliable companion. Now? I’m not sure. I suspect many are still recovering from my lack of reliability and aren’t sure if they trust that I’m someone they want to make plans with. A few never wavered, at least outwardly. They put up with a lot from me. Disappointment. Frustration. Helplessness. I’m doing my best to repair that trust and rebuild relationships that are important to me.
  • Do groups tend to break apart when you join them?
    • I tend to be a wanderer. In a group, I float between parties. People don’t tend to come to me. Which I sometimes am concerned about. And sometimes I have a hard time breaking into a conversation or shared experience with established groups. But just as often, people welcome me into their group and seem happy to include me. Again, I think this is an area where I should be more observant.

Oof. That was a tough one to get through.

The most recent mission was to “Identify Your Patron Saints”

By this, I expect Gretchen means, those who inspire you and of whom you wish to emulate. She suggests, “Identifying your patron saint is a creative, engaging way to think about the great figures that most embody your values.” I loved her example of Julia Child. She describes Julia as being “goofy yet masterly; light-hearted yet authoritative. Enthusiastic!”. I, in fact, used to pretend to be Julia Child as a kid. And often “channel” her in the kitchen. Most notably when I drop something on the floor 🙂 She never had to be perfect. She aimed for the heart of what she did to be satisfying. Good food. Good company. Even if it didn’t look perfect.

In many ways, my parents are my patron saints. My dad has set a solid example for how I wish to live my life in some areas. Not all, for sure. But he has showed me to:

  • Be reasonable when making decisions
  • Be responsible
  • You do for those in need without expectation of return
  • Family is important
  • Inform yourself
  • I am no better than anyone else
  • Doing your best is what is expected

And my mom is the ever caring, always giving, kind-hearted, pure-intentioned person I strive to be. But in moderation. She gives too much of herself. A lesson I’ve learned over the years.

And I admire my sister in her ability to constantly seek the best for herself. Not settling for what’s easy. Being willing to take a risk.

But I’ve never been a person who looked up to celebrities or political figures as a guide for how to live my life. I often take note of traits my friends and family or co-workers have that I wish I had. And consider them when making choices in my own life. Asking, “What would Jess do”, or “How would Will handle this”, in areas where I admire them.

I’ve made a lot of “I plan to, or I will, or I resolve to statements over the past week in this blog. I think my weekly mission will be to review them and combine them in a list of goals, priorities, or principles.

The past few days of reflection have been challenging. But I’m looking forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring!